A Note to General Managers

Hey guys — just for your own benefit, assuming you want to keep your jobs, please do not spend more than $80 million on:

…a wing so average offensively that he is guarded by James Jones down the stretch in a playoff game, because the opposition thinks that Lou Williams and Jrue Holiday are more dangerous options (Andre Iguodala)

…a player coming off a season in which he only played 8 games after major leg surgery (Gilbert Arenas and Elton Brand)

…an extension for a declining, lumbering first baseman, two years before his current contract is set to expire, just to make sure you have him locked in until his age-37 season (Ryan Howard)

…a one-dimensional jump shooter just because you’re afraid he’ll bolt to be a second option on a division rival (Michael Redd)

…a big man with an attitude problem, whose only proven way to get points on his previous team was being set up by Jason Kidd (Kenyon Martin)

…a catcher’s mid-30s seasons, even the best catcher in the world, especially if you’re also paying $80 million to an MVP first baseman, limiting positional flexibility (Joe Mauer)

…a pitcher in Coors Field (Mike Hampton)

…a pitcher anywhere, as it’s the most volatile and injury-prone position in sports (Barry Zito and AJ Burnett for performance, Johan Santana and Kevin Brown for not staying healthy enough)

…a 16 ppg third option who’s 6’10 but can’t rebound and doesn’t step inside the 3-point line (Rashard Lewis)

…a hockey player (the jury’s still out, but the only $80M+ contract in NHL history that’s run its course was given to Alexei Yashin)

…a pudgy head case allergic to defense who puts up great numbers on terrible teams, even if he is one of the top five low-post scorers and rebounders in the league (Zach Randolph)

…anyone, anywhere, with more than three years left on their current contract (Troy Tulowitzki and Ryan Braun)

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